To examine the emotional and mental influences that shape our self-esteem – and often drive us to change our appearance – we spoke with Ana Arveladze, a psychologist and coach, focused on inner healing. In this thoughtful exchange, Arveladze explores the deep-rooted desire for perfection, often tied to childhood experiences, and the fine line between authentic self-expression and imposed transformation. With empathy and insight, she reminds us that beauty is not merely external – it mirrors our inner world.
From a psychological perspective, where does the desire to “fix” or completely transform one’s appearance come from?
At its root, this desire often stems from a deep and primal instinct: the need to survive and belong. Mimicry has long served a survival function. Throughout history, every era has had its own codes of dress and beauty standards. These standards naturally bred comparison, and with comparison came competition. In today’s world, we are constantly exposed to idealized versions of the human form – bodies that are positioned as fashionable. And when such forms dominate the visual landscape, we feel pressure to reach a version of perfection. Dig deeper, and you’ll find that this competitive instinct often originates much earlier in life. Even in childhood, many of us were unconsciously competing – for attention, for approval, for love. Perhaps it was with a sibling, perhaps with a parent’s high expectations. Add to this the emotional scars we carry from childhood – the unmet need for closeness, recognition, and unconditional affection. Most people experience what I call a kind of “emotional hunger.” And in trying to satisfy it, they begin to believe that in order to be seen, to be loved, to be enough – they must somehow be better. We all have different internal measures of what love feels like. For some, a little attention goes a long way. For others, the threshold is higher – and if a caregiver couldn’t meet that need, a sense of lack begins to form. A child might then believe, “I wasn’t loved enough because I wasn’t good enough.” And that belief, if unhealed, can manifest later as a deep urge to alter one’s body.
What is low self-esteem and the inferiority complex? What causes them, and how are they connected?
Self-esteem,as the term implies, is essentially what I think of myself. It’s the internal narrative I’ve built about who I am, often shaped by early experiences and emotional imprints. Many people imagine self-esteem as one solid, fixed trait – something you either have or don’t. But in reality, it’s far more nuanced. Self-esteem is highly situational: you might feel confident and desirable in the presence of close friends or family, yet feel diminished in professional or social contexts. The key lies in how stable or fragile this self-perception is. When our self-esteem is shaky, we tend to overreact to both praise and criticism. Compliments can momentarily inflate our sense of worth, while any negative remark can instantly collapse it. That’s the hallmark of unstable self-esteem. On the other hand, if our self-worth is grounded – even if it isn’t sky-high – we can receive feedback without internal collapse. The inferiority complex, however, goes a step further. It’s not just about how we view ourselves – It’s a deep, often unspoken belief that we must never fall short compared to others. . It’s driven by the fear of inadequacy. And most crucially, it’s fueled by shame. Those with an inferiority complex often feel the urgent need to hide perceived flaws, to perform perfection, to wear a carefully constructed façade.
What do we need in order to build stable self-esteem?
Tobuild stable self-esteem, we need to commit toongoing self-reflection. We must ask ourselves: How have I evolved? What strengths have emerged in me that I never acknowledged before? When we begin to notice growth – not in comparison to others, but in relation to our own values – that’s when true confidence begins to bloom. Let’s say one of my core values is justice. If I feel that I was more fair today than I was yesterday, that contributes to my self- respect. One of the most healing forces during an existential crisis is the recognition and celebration of one’s uniqueness. And in this journey, a spiritual anchor can be profoundly grounding. When we realize that we are not here to compete for space, but to fully realize our own potential – that everything we possess is part of a greater inheritance, from our ancestors and the collective unconscious – then we begin to live with purpose, not panic.
From a psychological perspective, what defines obsession – particularly when it comes to one’s appearance? How frequently do individuals seek professional help?
Obsession, in this context, is the relentless and often tormenting belief that something about your appearance is never quite right – never enough. It’s a craving for perfection that becomes compulsive. You fixate on a particular facial feature or body part, convinced that refining it is the missing piece to becoming your “ideal self.” But the paradox is: that ideal keeps shifting. In this state, beauty stops being an experience and becomes a problem to solve. You no longer see your features as assets or expressions of individuality – they become deficits to be corrected. This is when obsession replaces acceptance, and self-evaluation turns into chronic dissatisfaction. And yes, these patterns have become alarmingly common – largely due to the hyper-visibility created by social media. Never before have we had such intimate access to the curated lives and filtered faces of people we don’t even know. We used to imagine what public figures looked like behind the scenes. Now, we are offered the illusion of transparency – and with it, the emotional weight of constant comparison.You begin to wonder: Why don’t I glow that way? Many clients have come to me overwhelmed by this exact feeling: a compulsive dissatisfaction with how they look. But in our work together, we focus less on fixing the surface and more on building the self. I emphasize personal and spiritual growth – guiding them to become the best version of themselves not by altering their features, but by aligning with their values, passions, and inner strength.
Is the excessive use of plastic surgery or cosmetic injectables a form of self-care – or a way to mask deeper emotional vulnerabilities?
Theenvironmentplays an essential role. We live in a time where eventheclosestcircles can become toxic. Think of a friend casually pointingoutthatsomeone’s nose, lips, or facial features aren’t “quiteright.”Thisisn’t harmless – it’s a sign of an unhealthy social atmosphere.Andbecause we are deeply social beings, we’re highlysusceptibleto such influences. So no, we can’t place the entireburdenonthe individual. The obsession with perfection isn’t borninisolation-it’s often shaped, reinforced, and triggered by the peopleandspaces around us. A truly healthy environment respects emotionalboundaries, refrains from constant critique, and celebrates individuality.Without that, those with even slightly fragile psycho- emotionalfoundations can become especially vulnerable. The linebetweenself-care and self-erasure comes down to balance and intention.It’sabout whether a decision stems from genuine self- respect-orfrominternalized pressure and shame. When someone believesthataspecific procedure will fix how they feel inside, they’reoftenchasing a promise that simply isn’t real. Before altering the surface,onemust tend to the inner landscape. If mental and emotionalwellbeing are nurtured first – and only then accompanied by thoughtfulaesthetic choices – that’s where change becomes sustainableandself-honoring.
What is Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD)?
BDD is a mental health condition in which an individual becomes obsessively focused on a specific aspect of their appearance – often a feature that others barely notice or don’t perceive as flawed at all. This hyperfixation is accompanied by anxiety and a persistent urge to “correct” or hide the imperfection. When a person struggles with BDD, aesthetic changes no longer feel like conscious, empowering choices. Instead, they become psychological compulsions – driven not by desire, but by distress. A healthy motivation for cosmetic change comes from a place of self-love and alignment with one’s values. For instance, choosing to soften the signs of aging or enhance a natural feature can be a form of self-care – if the decision is rooted in comfort, autonomy, and respect for the self, not in fear or shame. But when the need for transformation is fueled by internal narratives like “I’m not enough,” “Only then will I be worthy,” or “If I don’t change, I won’t be lovable” – that’s where we begin to cross into pathology.
In your opinion, should plastic surgeons and cosmetic professionals collaborate with psychologists to assess a patient’s emotional state and motivation before a procedure?
Ideally, yes. Integrating psychology into aesthetic medicine helps protect both mental health and overall wellbeing. But we must also acknowledge a crucial reality: many individuals don’t recognize their own emotional wounds. No matter how thoughtful the suggestion from a clinic, some people simply won’t accept the idea that they might benefit from speaking with a psychologist. In fact, they may feel judged or misunderstood by the very recommendation. At present, there are no widespread regulations requiring such psychological evaluations, and the broader culture rarely creates room for conversations about emotional trauma as it relates to beauty. What we need is not blame – we need awareness. We need more dialogue about how deeply trauma can influence the pursuit of physical perfection. Sometimes, what seems like an aesthetic concern is actually an unhealed emotional wound – a silent pain that demands care, not correction. When we begin to normalize the idea that this kind of suffering is valid – and not something to be shamed or dismissed – we make it safer for people to explore what’s really going on beneath the surface. And most importantly, what the individual views as a flaw may in fact be a unique trait – something deeply personal, even beautiful…
What solutions does psychology offer to individuals who become excessively focused on their appearance?
Psychologydoesn’t demonize aesthetic procedures – It doesn’tsay, “Don’t change!” – it seeks to reopen an honest dialogue between the individual and their inner self. The first step in therapy is to explore that emotional undercurrent: Where is this constant dissatisfaction coming from? Who am I comparing myself to? Do I believe that my appearance is the only thing that makes me valuable? What often looks like a desire for beauty is, in fact, a coping mechanism – an attempt to manage internal chaos through visual control. And from there, the work begins on building something essential – stable self-worth. When people begin to reconcile with themselves, their reliance on external transformation naturally begins to fade.
Is it truly possible to restore inner harmony by learning to love one’s body – and to walk away from cosmetic procedures or injectables when there’s no objective need for them?
Absolutely – though it’s not always an easypath. Loving your body is not just about liking how it looks. It’s a deeper, more profound agreement with yourself. It’s the quiet, unwavering belief that I am enough – regardless of trends, standards, or outside validation. When someone begins to accept their body as it is – not as it “should” be – something powerful shifts. They no longer feel the urgency to be constantly rescued or redefined by external transformation. The pursuit of outer perfection gives way to the pursuit of inner peace.
Interview: Tatuli Gvinianidze
